There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
