i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
