I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
