it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Found the puke drawer
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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