i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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