one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
