I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
