At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Who died my cat blue again?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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