just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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