he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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