dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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