maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
