He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
