And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
