I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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