When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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