Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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