I'm jealous of your bromance
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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