I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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