my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
