I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
