Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
