the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
