my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You did what with his pubic hair?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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