he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
