I feel great
I just peed on a car
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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