My friends, they love my intelligence
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
