dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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