NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
