I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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