Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
