I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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