You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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