I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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