Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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