Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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