Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
