quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
