Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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