My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
