Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
