I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
