Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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