it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
foreskin is a definite game changer
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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