your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
