Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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