just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
