He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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