I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
