I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
