Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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