I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
