I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
