I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
