Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
