M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
