guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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