just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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