if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
